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Small dot on a piece of paper....

Imagine a small dot on a piece of paper. Too small that everybody can barely see it. Too small that nobody can even notice its existence. Too small that it feels so hopeless, motionless and scared. Plus, it is just a small black dot that has no value when it stands alone, waiting to be wiped out of the paper so anybody else can feel up the space with better writings of sentences that can entertain people who read it. What can it do on a paper? Nothing! Exactly nothing!. In reality, you are the small dot. You are a small person living in a big world. A world that you hope can give you everything that you ever dreamed of. You worked hard for it. You gave up everything you could for your dream. You wish to have a higher standard of living once you achieved the goal. But the thing is, it is just a beginning. Like a the small dot; it is just a beginning for a letter and without a letter, we can't form a word and without a word, a sentence is not complete. A good sentence comes from a dot that teams up with billions of other dots to make the sentence visible. A single person represents a dot on a piece of paper. No one ever notices it. No one ever cares unless he/she does something valuable. That is how I put myself. My ability and knowledge are insignificant. What is important is what I can do with them. It does not matter if I had a first class degree from the best school in the world. The only thing matters is what I can contribute. There are many out there who have same level of degree and knowledge that I have, in fact there are people who have better skills and knowledge. I need to push myself to show them what I can do and what I can do the best. This is a cruel world and the best will survive.

Graduated, came back home and now a job

Wow it has been a year since the last time I wrote stuff on here. I guess school work had caught me up and I barely had time for myself. To catch things up, I graduated on May 11th 2012 with Bachelor's Degree in Petroleum Engineering. During the last semester of senior year, I worked part time a teaching assistance (TA) in Dr. Miller's class. I was shocked when they announced me as one of the most outstanding TA for junior class. They announced it during the PE department graduation commencement. I was awarded with a certificate and $500 cash. Gosh, I couldn't be happier with the money! It was a month before I had to come back to Malaysia, leaving all sweet memories and the loved one. It was hard for me to leave Denver, the best city in the whole wide world. My life is there. Every single moment I spent in Denver was priceless. It was not easy for me to get used to my hometown after 3 years being in the states. Its hot, humid!. Everything is different and of course I missed the states so much. I thought of going back there on the second I was here but, I hold on to myself and kept telling myself it will get better and it is getting better. I started working 3 days ago as a Reservoir Engineer with PETRONAS. God knows how long it took them to send me the offer letter although I knew I passed the interview a month and a half before I reported for duty. I was worried but now I'm bored. I just started working and there is nothing much to do in the office. My work station is empty, no computer, no phone, nothing plus one of my colleagues stole my drawer!!! haha its ok I'm gonna do the same thing when I found one. I moved to KL for work and now everything is almost settled. My stuff from the Sates have arrived and I get to get myself together in the new place although I need more time to unpack the stuff. God!! I miss the superspeed internet, shopping, the school and the people in Denver. I will be going back in 2-3 years. It will be soon enough before I can get back to where I was!!!!

it's done..!

I just wanna tell you that the court thing was not so bad. I was there exactly at 830 am and had to wait in the court room before I met the attorney. He gave me offer to either to pledge guilty or to not take the contest. I chose 'no contest'. I dont really understand how it works but from what he explained, I could say that its better than to admit guilty or to go for a trial which is going to consume lots of time and money. At least, I dont have to meet her again and fight for something that i dont know that I'm gonna win although I know I was not at fault.

No contest is close to guilty but it is actually not because when I admit no contest, it means that I agree not to against or fight the charge that I had and in the same time accept the lawsuit by not admitting the charge. I know it Sounds confusing.If I admitted guilty, they will reduce the charge (i.e the class of the fault and fine, I had class 3)but no contest mean I'm still charged with the same amount of fine if I'm found guilty. I paid $90 ($65 for the charge and $25 for the court cost). It was not too bad compared to what I heard from other people who paid hundreds of dollars for the fine. Good thing is, it's done and I dont have to go back there (I hope).

Bla bla bla bla summer story

I love summer. Its sunny, warm, just nice for doing outdoors. This is the time when we wear less clothes, well less enough but still keep our private parts hidden. It has been good summer so far, well it better be because this is my last summer here. When thinking of it, I only have less than a year to be in the US. Kinda sad at some point because I really love it here. I wish I could stay longer or stay here forever but I can't due to some circumstances. Anyhow, it has been warm, or should I say hot summer. It was over 100 degrees for few days. Not that I'm not used to the heat as I came from a hot, humid country. Its just different. The heat here is more 'stabbing' and 'annoying'. Sweating all day and night is our routine round here now.

My friend works in a retail shop and he texted me today saying he was worn out by the pissy customers for no exact reason. He bet they were tired and annoyed by the heat. I think so too. People got pissy when they can't stand the warm weather. But I love heat more than I love the snow. Because its simple, when its warm the worst thing you can do is getting your clothes off but when its cold, you have to put some more clothes on to keep yourself comfortable. Plus, I get sick when its cold, Fair enough I suppose.

I'm trying my best to live my summer life to the fullest. I'm trying to think fun stuff to do while we have the chance to feel the heat. Rafting, hiking, camping, tubing, those stuff are cool and I would love to do those, well when I'm done with summer class. Tomorrow I'm gonna go downtown and spend sometime with the person that I really care about. Not sure what we are going to do yet but we are working on it. It has been two weeks we did not see each other because I can't drive my car. Speaking of which, I'm still dealing with the accident( literally and emotionally). I hope things will get better soon. I really do.

Well its really late now I should go to bed. I have a long boring day tomorrow.

The worst day of my life!!!!!

Well the title says it but I'm just gonna elaborate more on the detailed details. I was running my car to the gas station to pump one of my rare tires. This was my second time pumping it and God knows how annoying it was. So, I was arriving at the traffic lights and I was right behind a school bus. I saw the green arrow and I thought I could merge to the left when suddenly a car ran through the traffic going straight. I couldnt stop my car at the time I hit it pretty hard. I hit my head on the steering wheel but I did not feel the sudden pain, it came few minutes later and by the time I wrote this post, I still feel the head ache. The woman that I hit also hit her head on the wheel but nothing was serious. My car was pretty severed, the bumper fell off and few attachments were missing. Luckily the lights are still on and the signals are still working. Its gonna be expensive to fix them all. My mechanic is coming over tomorrow and I hope he can get it fixed soon at a cheap price because I need the car to go to school and in the same time I dont have money to pay for it.

Who fault was it? well i'm not really sure because supposedly I got the right of way as I saw the green arrow but she also claimed that she saw the green light. I was driving right behind the school bus and it did not have any problem to merge to the left. When I crossed the intersection, she came by and cause us to collide. I got a ticket for driving into merging traffic but she got a ticket for not having an insurance. We are going to have a court meeting in about a month and I hope nothing serious is gonna happen.

I'm freak out right now because it was my first time ever experiencing such a terrible event. I'm gonna have to spend lots of money which I dont have right now to repair the car and pay the ticket. My head is still hurt and I have to go to work and class tomorrow. Today, I had my midterm right after the accident which really make it worst. Luckily it was a take home test but still its not easy because its due tomorrow and the questions are long and require lots of critical thinking. I'm gonna lay down and take a good rest, see if i'm gonna feel any better tomorrow. If not, I'm gonna head out to the hospital to check if there is any inner injury.


Another sleepless night. Its the scary thoughts again. I ignored it but still not working. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. Here I am writing my blog, killing time before the sun rises and makes everything much clearer and safe. Going to work in 5 hours without sleep, lets see if I can keep it up. Being awake since 1 am is not a fun thing to do. Got to find solution. Any idea from you guys would be great..Luckily I don't have class today as the teacher is attending a meeting...Hell yeah for one day :)

New Start..??? How many starts has it been..?

Back into the non-formal writing world, one of the reasons I like about blogs; you can write anything you want without worrying on any writing format you learnt in class, in any sort of language you want. Thats a good way to express yourself because it is your blog and you are the only one who care about it.

New start is a good way to forget the past and move on. But have we ever thought how many new starts has it been since we had the first one? What does it really imply? is it really a way for us to move on and forget awful things we did in the past? Or, is it a shortcut to run away from problems? When is it appropriate to have a new start? When we can't deal with troubles? Or when something can't be undone? I guess it depends on one's definition on how to answer these questions as there are no solid answers to these subjective thoughts. I wish there are solids answers so that we know what to do without being confused in any sort of way or being influenced by our emotion because God knows how emotional human beings are. Human is a complicated creature. Human have lots of stuff going on in his/her head, not like other creations, for example trees, they just live to nurture us without thinking whether they have to choose certain people to do it based on their emotional feelings. But we have to be grateful because with emotion and thoughts, we are the most superior creation in this world.

I admit that there have been few new starts in my life and each one of them has different reason and situation. I realized that not being able to express myself and be who I am were the main factors that make me the worst person among others. I could see how people think and react based on their own thoughts and feelings and they are really proud of it because they don't really care what other people think about them as long as the know they are doing the right thing. I depended too much on people before; letting them to tell me what to do, what they think, what they feel and what not. New starts for me this time means a new start of being the real me and be able to express myself anything in my own way regardless of what other might think about it.

Well, writing a blog is a good way to start. I might not be a good writer but who cares, this is blog and you can write whatever you want...:)